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October 07 2017

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eggcup:

me putting $10 of gas in my car: drink up you stupid bitch

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notdannyphantom:

sass master 2004

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agithfupark:

notyourdiscoursepawn:

im a simple wlw, when i see a mlm i support and cherish him

im a simple mlm, when i see a wlw i support and cherish her

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volcainist:

im on the floor

nix-styxand:

jiluan:

every time I burp I legally have to do a rick sanchez impression or they won’t let me see my family again

and every time we kiss i swear i could fly

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stats:

grizzlybutch:

kougie:

One of my favorite tumblr ads so far

comcastkills:

maxiesatanofficial:

tariqah:

Golf is the most unnecessary sport on earth. After communism wins, golf will be abolished

We still good for mini golf though?

lmaonade:

me: *tries to make a purchase of $2.63*

cashier, on the intercom: it says your card was decline sir. sir your card was rejected bc you go no money. you aint got no money boy and your card was absolutely declined you broke idiot

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butt-berry:

Lake of Rage

bidoof:

i’m going to oxford to get my master’s in theoretical physics to fulfill my lifelong dream of one day understanding a rick and morty joke wish me luck

chinaglaze:

cxndaquil:

chinaglaze:

listen the funniest thing about the universe is how easy it is to fake an understanding of astrology. u literally just have to name any placement or transit and be vague and gay

*looks at chart* girl… mercury in pisces 👀 gag!

and then whoever ur talking to will just be like “gag i know!!” 

and neither of u is actually required to elaborate on what gagged u because it’s vague enough to mean nothing and allow the person ur speaking to to simply insert their own understanding. and no one loses anything

This is a very aquarius statement

Gag!!

pomfpanda:

drpepperphd:

do i look like i know what an “mpreg” is

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the-littlest-shenanigan:

hankyarbo:

we’ve been watching too much food network at my house lately. i made a thing

@squidthewise

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tammycat:

leafcrunch:

this has been stuck in my head all day but i don’t know what i’m meant to do with it

eternal-nova:

lifewithasideofbacon:

ianstagram:

ceruleanfuckup:

Gay culture is talking in your Straight Voice when around a group of guys

Gay culture is using your Straight Voice when getting into an uber or lyft so your rating doesn’t tank

Gay culture is using straight voice on your patients

Gay culture is having a Straight Voice

the-fleshcurtains:

[replaces “season three” with “season four” on list of reasons to live]

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